You may not think a hot pink piece of silicon does much of anything for women’s rights- but the reality is it may be doing more than you think. The sexual liberation movement of the 1960’s is long from a completed journey.
What started as bra-burning and a desire to be noticed for merely having sexual desires has evolved into a truly awe-inspiring movement for true equality in the bedroom and beyond. And as more sex toys enter the scene, the sexual liberation movement continues to gain momentum.
So am I telling you that the small buzzing rabbit between your legs is a step into getting equal treatment in the workplace, equal representation in places of government, and equal attention on important issues like maternity care and reproductive health? Absolutely I am. Let’s break it down.
Sex Toys are Created For Women
Now let’s clear up the biggest misconception out there, right off the bat. Sex toys do not replace sexual intimacy between another person. In fact, if you have a man who distrusts your sex toys, then honestly, he’s really just missing the mark entirely.
Ask any sex toy manufacturer; sex toys are not created to replace humanity. Even those lovingly made by women from companies like our very own V for Vibes aren’t made to replace human contact. There is simply no way that a piece of simulated mechanical flesh can replace the real human feeling of having loving hands on your body or spending time with someone you truly love or desire.
And frankly, if your partner has a fear of your sex toy collection, it says a lot more about their feelings of inadequacy than it does about much else.
Truly being in touch with how your body feels is an important part of sexual liberation. And that’s just what sex toys help women everywhere to do. Sex toys empower women to feel their bodies in more empowered ways- on their terms, when they want, how they want, how long they want.
And sex toys allow women to do it in a variety of ways. That way, they can learn about themselves and their body in nuanced ways. Are you a suction girl, or do you like penetration? That’s part of your sexual identity that sex toys allow women to figure out on their own.
What Happens When Women Feel Good?
While partner sex toy use is fabulous, outsourcing some of the pleasure that comes from sex allows women to quite literally take matters into their own hands. And for women who have fallen victim to men’s desires through sexual harassment, assault, or worse- that can be deeply healing.
Being able to truly be in touch with your body sexually, on your own terms, is more than just an orgasmic blip; it’s deeply empowering. It’s reclaiming your body and your pleasure as your own. And that level of sexual healing is essential to the sexual liberation movement.
In fact, sexual healing professionals share the powers of masturbation. LeChae Motley, a trauma therapist, speaks of the power of self-paced self-pleasure in the healing journey for women. In a recent interview with the Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation, she shares, “I am a firm believer in survivor-centered approaches, so being open and honoring where the survivor is at any given moment is essential.”
One way that masturbation helps is it creates that “survivor-centered” approach. And if you integrate play with a sex toy, you just have another tool in your arsenal that you can use on your terms.
Sexual healing isn’t linear. A single joyful self-love session probably isn’t going to cut it. But as we continue to practice loving ourselves with sex toys, we’re making progress on the journey of sexual liberation. When women have the tools they need to heal and move forward from sexual trauma, they become empowered.
A Healed Woman is a Force To Be Reckoned With
“But but but- women already are empowered!” people say. I get it. I, too, have heard this argument. That women, whether they choose to be a corporate attorney or a stay-at-home mom, are already beyond powerful. That sexual liberation isn’t necessary since they are already so revered, treasured, and protected by the men in their lives. And while women are powerful, taking sexual liberation out of the equation is still a pivotal misstep.
Nothing competes with a woman’s ability to care for the world at large. At the end of the day, we are the mothers of the world. We are the first to come to when someone has a scraped knee. Even those of us now in male-dominated fields would attest to the way they still operate as the office peacekeeper. That caring energy of femininity is incredibly powerful.
So what if we applied that power… to ourselves?
Bell hooks once said, “The one person who will never leave us, whom we will never lose, is ourself. Learning to love our female selves is where our search for love must begin.” As a champion of intersectional feminism and sexual liberation- she clearly understood the assignment. Truly coming into our feminine energy means using some of our force to care for ourselves.
The Tired Tale of the Martyr Woman
If you’ve watched any episode of Extreme Makeover or Oprah- you know the old story of a woman giving everything to others is nothing new. The tired story of the mom who “just can’t stop giving” and always ends up with the overwhelmed messy bun and sweatpants has become a familiar narrative.
Women are taught from a young age to care for others first and foremost, often even encouraged to dismiss their own needs in the process. And while the quick hit of martyrdom feels great, there are some real consequences to not caring for yourself.
When things are overwhelming for the rest of our lives, the bedroom follows. And the proof is in the pudding there when we look at some common facts of the sexual liberation movement. Did you know only 6% of women orgasm during sex? Women who feel the need to care for others more are less likely to orgasm. If your primary interest is in pleasing others, your own pleasure may be the last thing on your mind.
So what if we give that same woman- the one who has the energy to care for a family, remember the dog’s flea medication, and make Christmas cookies- the power to feel her body on her own terms? The potential for empowerment is unmatched. Individual sexual liberation is just the beginning to creating sexually liberated cultures.
Creating Sexually Liberated Cultures
And the more sexually liberated cultures there are, the more power women have over the world they live in. When women are in charge, cool things happen. We can take on women’s issues. Do you know half of the world has periods? Yeah, maybe we can help all those fine folks with reproductive health care that actually helps.
But the limit to a sexually liberated culture isn’t just for women. It’s for all of us. Better women make a better world. We care about one another; we care about our children, our partners, our parents. We care about the people in our neighborhoods that have what they need and the ones that don’t. We care about the environment outside and whether or not it’s safe for our kids to play. Women have an enormous capacity to change the world.
Sex Toys Make a Path Towards Equality
So while it may seem “crazy” that a sex toy can carry such weight, the link between a vibrator and the women’s movement may be just isn’t that much of a stretch. Sex toys both give women the capacity to feel their own bodies and care for themselves in ways that they have been systematically told not to before. The next time you bring out your vibrator, remind yourself that you’re doing a favor for womankind.
And if you’re stuck in the process of your own sexual awakening, it’s worth stepping out there and trying again. Sexual liberation isn’t a perversion. And it’s not just about a quick orgasm. It’s about changing the world.
