Finding Love After 40: Dating Tips for Mature Singles

Approximately 37 million adults aged 40 and over live alone in the United States, and a good majority of those are looking to date.

Dating over 40 comes with plenty of vices and virtues. For one, hormones are not working overtime like they did in your 20s and 30s. In those earlier years, dating was primarily about figuring out who you were and having thrilling experiences.

As you mature, dating is still fun, but the focus has shifted to finding stability and keeping yourself in the game. As a mature person, dating comes with concerns you didn’t have in your 20s.

You are more solid in your career. You might be a single or divorced parent. You might be looking to settle down after being alone for so long. These are all concerns you likely didn’t have to deal with decades ago. However, dating at this stage of life doesn’t necessarily have to be complex.

Here are 20 surefire tips to help middle-aged individuals find their perfect match as they wave goodbye to single life.

Tips for Dating Over 40

Regardless of age, dating tips are always appreciated. Of course, you’re more discerning and wiser as you mature, but advice can take you far in the dating game. So, if you’re nervous or unsure about re-entering the dating pool, the following tips can help quell all your fears.

Take Time Before Introducing Your Children

When dating over 40, children often become an essential factor in the equation. This is why it’s necessary to put your children’s needs above anything else.

If you’re divorced, the adults aren’t the only ones who must deal with the aftermath. Sometimes, kids can take years to accept a situation that may have been traumatic for them.

For this reason, determine their emotional state before introducing your new partner. When you believe the relationship has a future, you should talk openly and honestly, reassuring your children that they are your priority.

Leave the Past Behind

While you may remember dating in your 20s and 30s, it’s different today. Whether it was a marriage or otherwise, you or your partner have likely had one or more serious relationships in the past. The experiences of those relationships might be what’s holding you back from finding your next connection, so you should let them go before even thinking about dating again.

However, it’s okay to learn from your past relationships. Doing so will help you identify and avoid future mistakes.

Share Your Thoughts

When you’re over 40, your beliefs have become more solid, so of course, you want to share your views to see where you rate on the compatibility scale. Open communication is essential to all relationships, especially new ones where you are just getting to know one another.

For instance, when it comes to dating etiquette, understand where your date stands on such things as opening and closing car doors. If you don’t like that kind of thing, let them know instead of silently seething when they do it.

Avoid Dating During a Divorce

Dating over 40 is complex but more challenging amid a contentious divorce. Even if the divorce is amicable, the finalizing process can be lengthy and drain every ounce of your energy. If you have children, a divorce can be downright exhausting, especially if custody is an issue.

Don’t forget the alimony, paperwork, and all the hearings. These things can take a massive toll on your mind, spirit, and body, so you likely won’t be in the right frame of mind to date. Bringing another person into this situation does not make for a successful relationship.

Talk About Your Expectations

Dating over 40 means you likely have certain expectations for the relationship, including emotional support and commitment. So, before investing too much time and energy, express your wants for the future. What are you looking for in a relationship? What role do you expect your partner to play?

Inform your partner where you are at this stage of life and what qualities make someone suitable for you. If you’re unsure about your preferences, think about them before you begin dating.

Don’t Give Too Much Information on Your First Date

On the first date, keep the conversation lighthearted. Discuss topics like your career (if it’s going well) and your preferences. What hobbies do you have? The goal is to find common ground to determine whether or not you’re compatible.

Even if you feel comfortable, keep the heavy topics on the back burner. Instead, wait for at least three or four dates to see where the relationship heads before sharing too much information on your past experiences.

Give Online Dating a Try

While online dating is more common for younger adults than older people, 37% of those ages 30 to 49 and 20% of adults 50 to 64 have used online dating apps. Approximately 13% of adults 65 and older have also ventured into the online dating pool.

Finding a mature dating app is much easier than it was years ago because specific sites like Silver Singles cater to the older generation. Even online sites that target younger people have sections just for older people, so the options are there. It’s simply a matter of becoming comfortable with using technology to find your perfect match. Some excellent apps for 40+ users include:

• eHarmony
• Elite
• OurTime
• Match

Clearly State Your Intentions

What’s your ultimate agenda? Are you looking for a lifetime partner or something shorter-term? When you determine your intentions, be sure that you and your date are on the same page regarding your relationship’s future.

For example, my best friend’s mother began dating after her divorce but wasn’t interested in getting married again. She met a great guy who had never married, and unfortunately for her, he wanted someone with whom he could settle down.

They were both clear about their intentions early on, so the relationship ended. However, stating their agenda at the beginning made their decision to move on much easier.

Keep an Open Mind

Dating in your 40s means having certain preferences and expectations from a partner; when a potential mate doesn’t fit that mold, we tend to quickly discard them before knowing what they have to offer.

Always date with an open mind. By the time a person is over 40, they have a history of “baggage,” and it’s easy to have an opinion on something you don’t understand. But no one is perfect, so withhold judgment until you know them better.

Work on Yourself

Life gets busy, but when you take time from your hectic schedule to work on yourself, you’ll have more to give someone else. Try a little self-love along with much-needed pampering. Some ideas include:

• yoga
• hiking
• spa day
• hanging out with family/friends
• meditation

Maybe you previously had a skincare and workout routine but now can’t find the time to continue. In this case, make the time! When you do things you love and enjoy, it helps instill confidence in yourself. Make a regular appointment for the spa or upgrade your gym membership to help keep yourself active.

Try Something New

Settling in your comfort zone may be a safe option. However, why not try doing activities you’ve never done with your date? Write out a list of things you and your date have never tried or want to do but are nervous about.

Pick the easier ones and cross them off your list. Doing the unknown with a partner helps bring you closer together and gives you brand-new hobbies and interests.

Understand That the Dating Game Has Changed

You may have been married or in a relationship for several years. As you get back out there and start dating again, you realize that things aren’t the same. For instance, video chatting rather than a phone call may be your date’s preference.

You may spend a week sending messages back and forth before going on an in-person date. Your companion may need to avoid certain foods and alcohol, especially if on medication. These may have been things you never had to deal with in your 20s and 30s.

If you become intimate, some older men might need to take a pill before bed. When you date later in life, you may need to make certain concessions, but they should diminish your dating experience.

In Conclusion

Finding love after 40 can be as refreshing as it was in your prime. But now your chances of finding a more profound connection have increased because, at this age, you’re more discerning. You know more about what you want and what’s a dealbreaker. Remember, it’s never too late to find a partner.